Fast Days
by Gitana
Summary: Company piece for "Jus In Bello" Sam and Dean react to the news Ruby delivered.


**Fast Days**

**By:** Gitana  
**Timeline:** Season 3, 3.12 "Jus In Bello" (Spoilers for 3.12, 2.22)  
**Disclaimer:** None of it is mine. That honor belongs to Mr. Eric Kripke and Warner Brothers.

* * *

Sam hadn't heard silence like that in years. Dean was speechless while Ruby stood there, strong and confusing. Blonde hair set on fire, her tongue ready to lash out against those two idiots sitting there, losing her fight. A part of her wishing she could possess them both and fight from inside of them, blocking away all their insecurities and moral dilemmas.

Slowly pulling himself from the shock, the hurt and the quickness of what he just learned happened, Sam realized once again that there were no easy answers and no safe decisions. His mind was broken unable to soak up anymore bad news.

"Next time we'll do it MY way." Ruby said punching through a wall of silence.

They thought of a million ways to answer but they just stared at nothing, wondering what they did wrong and how they would fix it if they could go back in time. They wished they could indeed go back and save Henriksen, the young deputy, everyone inside that building. Go back and save sweet Nancy from an unfair fate.

"Next time..." Ruby began speaking but Sam interrupted the tirade.

"Next time, Ruby? Next time you stay and fight, then you can come in and tell us all you want."

"I was going to kill myself for you, Sam. _You_ made the wrong choice."

"Shut up! _You _walked out, left for us dead and I'm still here. So how about you leave us alone? We just had a hell of a fight and people _still _died. Get out, get out... We'll talk to you later."

Ruby left hesitantly as Dean looked on holding back his insults for another time. He was afraid Sam was thinking that killing Nancy would've been the right choice. He was afraid he was thinking it too.

"What the hell, Sammy?" Dean said to nobody in particular. He stood up, turned the television off and walked back to his bed. He didn't sit, he just stood there looking down on the sheets, waiting for the denial to go away like when you wake up in the middle of the night and can't fall asleep again.

Sam was parting the yellow curtains to look out the window and make sure there were no possessed bodies lurking about. "You know, Dean... Henriksen... He seemed like a good guy after all. It's a shame."

Ripping his eyes from his bed, Dean fixed his gaze in Sam's direction. "This is stupid, man! We did the right thing and we're here feeling sorry about it!"

"It's not about the right thing, anymore. It's about the winning strategy, whatever it may be. Kill one so that many may live. Sacrifice the innocent to save the rest."

"That is not our job, but it's what it's been asked of us. I don't know if I can do it." Dean said again to no one. He took a few steps closer to Sam and was now looking over Sam's shoulder. He noticed the parking lot had a few cars. There was nobody walking about. Everything was so quiet. He decided to stay there, inches away from his brother, worlds apart from Sam.

"You've done it, Dean. You sold your soul, dad sold his. We've killed possessed people in full knowledge of the blameless trapped inside. _I_ shot Madison point blank..." Sam took a moment and decided this wasn't the time to cry over Madison, Jess, Andy, Eva, his mom, his dad, any of them. This was the time to decide if a year from now, any of it would matter at all.

"Well yeah I sold my soul! You were dead, you're my brother..." Dean wanted to reach out, shake Sam and tell him that he doesn't want to die, to please find a way.

"And you're mine, Dean! That's the point, that's the _only _point. For each other, the hell with everything else, set the world on fire and let it burn. But for other people? We sit in silence and weigh the price of their souls, their bodies, their lives. They die, we cry, we shake our heads. Quickly we pretend to move on and we avoid remembering them because neither of us wants to be in pain all the time. We don't deserve that kind of power." Sam turned his back to the window and was now face to face with Dean.

"Look Sam, turn the puzzle upside down, dribble the ball on the ceiling, there's no way I would've said yes to killing Nancy, okay?"

"But would you have killed her if it meant saving my life?"

"With no other options? Yes." Dean was so tired.

"Then what the hell are we doing here? Fighting for who? Against what? Ourselves?"

"Look Sammy, this is what we're going to do. This Lillith, let's start the research, let's start with the hunting. I don't have much time here. Clock is ticking, days are getting crossed off calendars, and I _will _make it count." Dean took a step back. He remembered how Sam once saved his life by finding a freaky preacher who thought he was doing God's work. Sam didn't give up then and he knew he wouldn't give up ever, but the days were ending so fast now. He barely had time to wake up before the sun began setting across his green eyes.

"You're not ready to leave me. I am _not _ready to let you go. A thousand years could pass and I wouldn't be." _Because I love you, Dean._ Sam turned again toward the window and looked at the night. He noticed stars weren't falling, that the moon wasn't blacking out. It feels like they should be because Dean won't be there. Because he hasn't found a way to save him. Because his dad and mom are already gone. Because once he too was dead. How come the night didn't care? How come nothing changed? How come the Earth didn't pry itself open and wept along with him, for him, for all of them. It feels like it should.

Dean didn't, couldn't say a word so quietly he headed off to the shower. He walked numbly in a slow, painful pace that hurt his head. _That preacher thought he was doing God's work_, Dean thought to himself in silence. _Nobody told him he was trading lives for others. What if we don't know something like that? What if what we're doing is trading one life for another? That is what I just did and I would do it again, but will it help the world? Will it help Sam? Have I doomed him and myself all at the same time? _Dean stepped in the shower full of aches, bruises and a fresh bullet wound. He should be in a hospital. He turned the hot water on unable to wash away the thoughts that haunted his mind every day and night since the deal was struck. Blood from the wound ran down his body and swirled down the drain, leaving him forever. Inside, his body repaired itself painfully as best as it could after so many hits.

Sam closed the curtains, turned off the lights and got into his bed. Amidst the chaos and danger of the evening, he had taken full notice of Dean's heartfelt pleading for Nancy, that's why he didn't say anything. As he remembered, he got more upset that she was gone. Clutching his shoulder, Dean remembered Sam begging for Madison's life. Sam remembered that Dean changed their plans in two seconds when he received the news that Cassie needed him. They both remembered that they risked dying in their sleep to get Bobby to wake up from his. They remembered times when they cared about someone and would have stepped on anyone's neck to do something about it. Never. That's when they're going to start apologizing for it.

When Dean stepped out of the shower he was met with darkness but he saw that Sam had fallen asleep. He got dressed without turning on any lights. Once in bed Dean told himself he would dream about something good tonight. Something great was going to happen. He was sure that Sam was already having an awesome dream about something amazing and cool. He was sure of it. When Sam felt Dean's body hit the bed, he pretended he was asleep, which he almost was. Praying had kept him up for a few more minutes. He prayed for Dean, he prayed for what they were about to do. That whatever they were about to bleed, punch, abuse and kill was the right target. He prayed that his brother could at least have a really good dream tonight because he deserved it. He deserved to have a nice dream, a nice life. He was sure of it.

**The End.**


End file.
